Workplace Communication: “What were you thinking?!”

Imagine this: it’s been a fairly quiet day. You have been productive, churning out e-mails and replies to e-mails that have sat in your inbox for days (or weeks). You have addressed hot issues, lukewarm issues, issues that have not yet become issues, headed off potential conflict and conquered challenges. You are feeling good about your crew’s work — they have really been performing well. You can finally see parts of the top of your desk and you let out a long, deep breath. Yes, life is good indeed.

Without warning, you:

•  Hear a loud crash

•  Hear something that’s “not quite right,” an unfamiliar sound

•  Hear a sound that you know you shouldn’t be hearing

•  Look up to see one of your crew standing at your door with a solemn look on his face

•  Get a feeling to walk through the hangar. You notice people are standing around one of the aircraft, engrossed in a conversation and pointing …

Your thoughts go into overdrive and your eyes search hurriedly for a sign of what’s going on. Your heart races as you quickly close the gap from where you are to where your crew is. When you get close enough to see what happened, your brain lands on earth just long enough for you to assess the damage quickly. You glare at who you believe is the offender and manage with some difficulty to contain your outburst to ask, through clenched teeth, “What happened? And what were you thinking?”

The most common response to this is “I don’t know ... I guess I wasn’t thinking”. That is not entirely correct. Chances are, you were thinking. It’s just that you were not thinking of what you were doing presently. How many times have you run a red light or breezed through a stop sign, and you later remarked “I didn’t see it.” Your thoughts were elsewhere. Maybe you were anticipating your long-overdue no-work weekend? Or considering which home repairs should come first? Perhaps your mind was on something of a more personal nature? You were thinking, you were simply thinking about something else. Your thoughts direct your attention and your actions.

We’ve all “been there, done that.” After repairing the physical damage, it’s time to have one of “those” conversations to address your primary question (“What were you thinking?”) and to take steps to minimize the opportunity for it to happen again.

Step One

Chances are that your crew member already knows the damage they’ve caused. (Let’s call that person Terry because this can be either a male or a female.) Terry has also mentally walked through their every action leading up to the incident. They are task- and process-oriented, valuing high standards and accuracy, and are not overly talkative about non-work topics while on the job. (For a refresher on this, read my article in the October 2013 issue of D.O.M.magazine, page 40, and see the diagram below.) Terry prefers to disconnect from others (meaning he or she won’t openly or willingly share any personal challenges faced), and feels more comfortable talking about procedures and technical specifications than about emotions. Remember: emotions are simply information that your mid-brain sends to your rational brain — just like the weather, tools needed or what time the aircraft needs to be ready. It’s only when we judge our emotions that they become good or bad, positive or negative.

Step Two

Terry has already beaten him/herself up about this, so there is no need for you to do it. Showing your agitation or your frustration will only cause Terry to withdraw, become quiet and avoid your stare. You need to provide a safe environment for Terry — not to say you will not take appropriate action against Terry. Reacting with a shouting voice, impatience and other intimidating behaviors will only serve to draw out this process. (Remember that while you might not consider these intimidating, Terry will and that will cause more withdrawals.) Remember this diagram from the November/December 2013 issue on page 44?

There are a variety of ways to find out what happened. These need to be said calmly and in a way that conveys that you simply want to know the facts:

•  Something clearly went terribly wrong. Tell me what happened. (Exercise patience here.)

•  Walk me through what happened.

•  Begin with your drive in (if this happened in the morning) or begin with returning from lunch. What happened next?

•  Let’s start at the beginning.

•  Or perhaps an informal way: What’s going on?

Check your own attitude and actions:

•  Don’t interrupt with questions. Terry will eventually get to your question and the story will unfold in a logical order. You can encourage Terry by saying things like “go on,“ and “then what happened?”

•  Avoid mentally judgment of their thinking or their behaviors. That judgment will come out in the words you use, your tone of voice or what you do with your hands. You are seeing their actions through your own impartial lens; their actions were not based on objectivity.

•  If Terry asks you a direct judging question like “Do you think I shouldn’t have done that?”, don’t answer ‘yes’ or ‘no.’ At this point, the correct response is, “let’s keep talking about what happened.”

Step Three

After Terry has shared with you what happened from his or her perspective, it is time to address specifics. Remember, an accident/incident is a series of safety lapses and behaviors do not occur in a vacuum. There were actions that led up to this event. Some areas you need to be cognizant of are:

•  Is this a pattern or a one-time occurrence? If it is a pattern, address the pattern and not this specific incident. If this is the first time they have been involved in something like this, dig deeper to determine the root cause of their mental lapse.

•  What else is going on in Terry’s life that would pull his or her thoughts away from tasks? Distractions, as we discussed in last month’s article, are very powerful in refocusing our attention away from what we rationally deem as important and towards what our brain determines as important.

Step Four

This is perhaps the most important question you can ask Terry: Why did it make sense for you to do what you did?

While this might seem like an easy question to answer upon first glance, it might not be. This question addresses the root cause of their actions and that root cause may not be rational or at their conscious thinking level. Let’s phrase it another way: Why were your thoughts diverted away from what you were doing?

This is another way of asking “What were you thinking?” It just doesn’t have the negative, accusatory, threatening or intimidating force behind it. Don’t be surprised if Terry responds with something personal. (“I was thinking about how to pay for …” or “My parents have not been well and they went to the doctor today …” or “my son/daughter is having some personal issues.” That’s what they were really thinking.

This is where your calmness, your empathy, your understanding and your firmness converge.

•  Calmness to avoid overreacting and to encourage Terry to keep talking.

•  Empathy puts yourself in Terry’s position. This will open up non-logical reasons for why they did what they did.

•  Understanding of their mindset acknowledges their thinking and feeling at the time of the incident.

•  Firmness in telling them the consequences of their actions.

Step Five

Now that you have gathered all the facts and addressed additional causes of this lapse, you can take appropriate action.

To make the best out of this situation, you can present it as a ‘teachable moment,’ emphasizing that safety does not only involve objects. Safety involves the mental attitude and thoughts of each individual. Routine tasks and complacency cause your mind to wander and divert your attention away from what you are doing. Over-confidence and arrogance also can contribute to mental safety lapses.

No one is immune to wandering thoughts. Any part of your life that is not going well or concerns you has the ability to seep into your thoughts at work and derail your concentration. Faced with shorter timelines and looming deadlines, we run the risk of thinking ahead to the next task. This can cause us to skip steps, not follow procedures, ignore our checklists and places us in a higher safety risk position.

I challenge you to become more aware of your thoughts and how those thoughts affect your actions, and to encourage and share that with your team. These will be lessons well learned for all.  

Dr. Shari Frisinger is president of CornerStone Strategies LLC, and her doctoral dissertation linked crisis handling with interpersonal situational awareness. Raising personal awareness of potentially disruptive or unsafe behaviors before they occur are the focus of her human factors and TEM behavioral programs. She equips her clients with the tools to influence, empower and motivate, easing conflict, enhancing safety and elevating service. She is a member of NBAA’s Safety Committee, an NBAA PDP provider and an adjunct faculty member facilitating leadership courses. She has presented CRM/HF to numerous flight departments and aviation companies. For more information, visit www.ShariFrisinger.comor call 281.992.4136.