FEEDBACK, PART TWO: FIVE-STEP OUTLINE

Last month we reviewed the three possible responses to giving feedback: rationalization (“it’s not my fault”), refuting their actions (“It didn’t happen that way”), or agreeing with the perception of others (“you’re right”). By far, the last option is the most desirable because defenses are down and there is a willingness to change.

The first two that can create uncomfortable conversations and distracting discussions. You can handle the process or procedure problems well; those are generally non-personal and acceptable with a logical explanation. Bringing to someone’s attention his or her behavior mishaps or missteps is more personal, and you need to do it without it coming across as delivering a personal attack.

handling these conversations Effectively

Your intent is to address the inappropriate or unwanted behavior in a professional, firm and concerning manner. Keeping in mind that we judge ourselves by our intentions and others judge us by our behaviors. Your behaviors might not mirror your intentions. Their comfort zone (task focused or people oriented) will determine how you begin the conversations. (See my article in October 2013’s issue for a refresher.)

Your professional side wants to deal with giving feedback by offering advice and logical reasoning. That is especially harmful when offering constructive feedback (or whatever you call it). Jumping right into the “facts” of a discussion without asking for their side and without recognizing how it made them feel is like pushing against a wall and expecting the wall to move. No matter how hard or how long you push, the wall is not going to move. It is the same dealing with those conversations. You need to validate their thoughts and feelings. Notice I said validate, not agree with. What they should or should not be feeling is not for you to assess. Phrases like “I can see you are frustrated,” or “This is really bothering you,” will calm their emotional brain (Amy/Andy as I call it) and you can proceed to the “OK, tell me what happened” discussion.

The FIVE-Step Outline

The feedback process works when neither party is defensive. A strong feeling of mutual trust aids these types of conversations. This is not an “I am right and you are wrong” conversation, nor is it a “you are to blame” discussion. It is one where both people exchange their perceptions and work towards a more acceptable and collaborative solution. Remember that your perception is your reality. It might involve give and take and a genuine desire to improve the departmental climate and personnel interactions.

Notice this outline addresses the people side first, then the facts that influenced their actions. Adjusting to this mindset might not come easily to you; however, the shift in their attitude and response to the direction you give them will be noticeable. Because their attitude will spread to others in your department, handling this conversation correctly rises in importance.

1. Prepare yourself.

This step is more difficult than it sounds. Some questions to consider about yourself include: are you more flexible or rigid in these types of conversations? Can you quickly reassess surprising responses that might initially get you defensive? Are you over-attached to your thinking processes? Do you stand firm in your “I am right” beliefs?

How do others react to your style? Do you put them on the defensive or are they relaxed? If you usually do not call your direct reports to your office, they could be feeling anxious, defensive, worried or concerned. Are you allowing that to influence your thoughts?

You will have gathered your data for the logical part of the discussion. You will be armed with facts, figures, e-mails and reports. Is that amount of information overwhelming? Are you able to separate the issues involved or are they all grouped as one? Will the other person get a sense of dread or fear when they walk into your office and see all that paper?

2. Recognizing your emotions and reactions.

What might they say that will get you frustrated? Irritated? Impatient? Angry? What will bring out your compassion or empathy? Remember that your emotions are merely information to alert you to your thoughts. It is the same as “I’m feeling disappointed because I have to work late and won’t make it home in time for dinner.” Disappointed is your emotion; eating dinner with your family is not the cause of your disappointment. Once you make the connection between your emotions and your actions, your brain frees up much needed thinking processes; this act allows you to focus on completing your work.

Connecting your actions to your thoughts, as well as identifying the emotions that drive those thoughts and actions, is essential to not overreacting or reacting inappropriately. You can contain your impulses better and allow your logical mind to dictate your words.

3. Let them absorb your words and help them reframe the feedback.

This part of the process can be the most uncomfortable. Give them time to think and time to vent. Your inclination might be to talk to fill the awkward silence. Say nothing. Let them gather their thoughts and regain their composure. Acknowledge their thoughts and feelings by saying phrases like “I can see this upsets you”, and “It’s natural to feel this way.” Only say “I can see why you’d think that” if you agree. Explain how their actions and attitude affected co-workers in the flight department and others. Encourage them to look at their actions as part of the entire flight department. You can compare it to the parts that work together for a successful flight.

Reframing the feedback involves looking at the information (both the feedback and the emotions involved with hearing that feedback) in such a manner that the feedback loses its sting and its defensive grip. For instance, Joe is told that he needs to explain the ‘what and why’ he is doing when he is training Tim. Joe is concerned Tim will do it better and Joe will be out of a job. Joe can reframe his thinking to be “If I am to get promoted, I want someone else to do this just as well as I do. This way I am sure that Tim is doing it the right way and learning from my mistakes.”

4. Creating a “learn to adapt” action plan with follow up.

The logical part is to create a cause-and-effect chain. The non-logical part is to understand that each individual needs to take responsibility for his or her own behaviors. Blame is not allowed because there is no one action that causes dissention. Learning to adapt includes raising self-awareness, the act of removing yourself from a potentially disruptive situation, and asking questions instead of responding immediately. In fact, this is one time where procrastination might be the best course of action. Care must be taken that actions are not seen as being weak or abdicating responsibility.

You can flow chart or draw a what-if process diagram to help them learn to adapt. It might include opportunities to improve and what skill (new or current) is needed to succeed. They lead this part of the discussion — you merely offer minor suggestions and ask questions when appropriate.

5. Positive reinforcement and support.

This is the most important part of this process. Reiterate that you want them to succeed and tie their success into the success of the flight department and into the company. Offer encouragement and confidence in their abilities. Be sure you end this discussion on a motivating and positive note.

You will also need to acknowledge their behavior change when you witness it or when you hear it from others. This reward system is very powerful and is a motivation to continue those actions.

These steps can also be applied when presenting more positive feedback, adjusting when necessary. You want to be sure that they do not begin to overuse their strengths. That will then become a weakness and your next conversation might be quite different.

Conclusion

The purpose of feedback is to improve weakness, minimize inconsistencies and raise awareness of neglect or preoccupation. If it is not well received, or received in a positive manner, any amount of feedback will not be enough to change behaviors. Some people will view feedback as a personal attack against them; others will be open to hearing improvements and will determine the validity and act accordingly. The ability to look at your own behaviors from an outsider’s viewpoint will improve the performance of any individual and flight department.  

References:

Jackman, J. M., & Strober, M. H. (2003). Fear of feedback. Harvard Business Review, 81, 4, 101-7.

Novak, D. (2012). Taking people with you: The only way to make big things happen. New York: Portfolio/Penguin.

Robinson, G., & Rose, M. (2007). Teams for a new generation: A facilitator’s field guide. Bloomington, IN: AuthorHouse.

Stein, S., & Book, H. E. (2011). The EQ edge: Emotional intelligence and your success. Mississauga, Ont: Jossey-Bass.

Dr. Shari Frisinger is President of CornerStone Strategies LLC. Her research centers on being smart about thoughts, emotions and actions. Her human factors, TEM behavioral programs and consulting raise awareness of potentially disruptive or unsafe behaviors. She provides her clients the tools to ease conflict, enhance safety and elevate service. Dr. Shari is an NBAA PDP provider, a member of NBAA’s Safety Committee, a member of Aviation Psychology Association and an adjunct faculty facilitating leadership courses. She has presented CRM/HF to numerous flight departments and aviation companies. For more information, visit www.ShariFrisinger.com or call 281.992.4136.